By Dr Julia Lyons, Principal Clinical Lead, Onebright
Every parent holds hopes and dreams for their child’s life – from first words to first days at school, from birthdays to quiet moments of connection. When a child dies, these hopes are cruelly cut short, and the grief that follows is all-consuming. In this article, we’d like to recognise the profound impact of child loss, the silent suffering many parents endure, and the vital role we all have in supporting them, especially in the workplace.
What grief means for bereaved parents?
Grief is the mind and body’s natural response to losing someone deeply loved. It can bring a wave of psychological, social, emotional and physical reactions. For parents who lose a child, this process can feel especially complex. Many experience an intense mismatch between the reality of the loss and the longing for what should have been. While grief has no set pattern, we often see it unfold in stages: initial shock, disbelief, anger or frustration, deep sadness, and eventually a gradual adaptation to life without the child, not by forgetting, but by finding ways to carry on alongside their child’s memory.
Understanding how grief can unfold helps employers and HR teams recognise when parents may need more time, flexibility or specialist support to cope with the unimaginable.
Grief has no timetable
One thing we know for certain: grief does not follow a schedule. Some parents may find comfort in returning to work and the routine it brings; others may feel unable to manage even simple tasks for some time. Neither response is wrong and both need to be met with patience, understanding, and a supportive workplace culture.
When grief becomes prolonged
For most, grief changes over time. The early shock and disbelief can evolve into deep sadness, anger, and eventually a resignation to the reality of what they have been through. However, for some parents, particularly those who lose a child suddenly, traumatically, or in the perinatal period, grief can become prolonged, leading to what we call ‘Prolonged Grief Disorder’ (PGD). This affects daily functioning and wellbeing, yet it often goes unrecognised or is misunderstood in the workplace.
As employers and colleagues, it is good to understand when grief may have become ‘stuck’. Signs can include persistent yearning for the child interfering with daily functioning, intense avoidance of reminders, or intrusive memories that feel traumatic and have a strong physiological response. In these cases, gentle encouragement towards specialist support such as trauma-informed therapy can be life-changing.
How can you support bereaved parents in your workforce?
The workplace plays a significant role in shaping how bereaved parents cope. Returning to work can restore a sense of routine and connection, but only if the environment is compassionate, flexible, and free from judgment.
Organisations like Sands provide invaluable resources and ongoing support for anyone affected by the death of a baby, from early pregnancy loss to stillbirth. Bereavement support groups can also help parents feel less alone and reduce the risk of prolonged or complicated grief.
Introducing other simple steps can make an enormous difference.
Acknowledge their loss: A personal message or quiet conversation can reassure someone they are not alone.
Ask how they are: Gently check in and ask what support might help. An open conversation can help you understand how they’re coping and what adjustments may be needed.
Offer practical support: This could mean flexible hours, remote working, additional breaks or time off. Small gestures like coordinating help with daily tasks can ease some of the pressure.
Respect their space: Give them time alone if they need it and respect their wishes about how much they want others to know.
Keep in touch: Stay connected through regular check-ins, agreeing what feels right for them.
Review leave policies: Consider whether your workplace policies cover parental bereavement and pregnancy loss. Providing appropriate paid leave can give grieving parents vital time to process their loss without added worry.
Moving forwards
We are gradually breaking the silence around bereavement, but there is more to do. Talking about child loss can feel uncomfortable, but leaving your employees, families or friends in silence makes grief even more isolating. This Bereaved Parents Day and onwards, let’s commit to creating workplaces where parents are not expected to ‘move on’ but are supported to move forwards, carrying their love for their child with them.
Grief will touch us all in some way. We can only do our best to understand, listen, and act with compassion, to ensure that no bereaved parent feels alone at work, or beyond.
If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, please reach out for support. You are not alone. Some sites that support bereaved parents:
– https://achildofmine.org.uk/
– https://www.careforthefamily.org.uk/