Banish the banshee boss: how to lead without fear – addressing the issue of fear-based management and how NOT to be this manager

When managers feel overwhelmed and stressed, their response is often to become the ‘banshee boss’ – shouting at and commanding their teams and in turn creating a fearful culture. With 41% of managers experiencing daily stress, it’s no wonder 36% of leaders unconsciously lead through fear.

Fear-based leadership has disastrous effects on organisations. Of those leaders who have a fear-based approach, 90% noticed a decline in employee productivity and 60% acknowledged their staff were unhappy at work. That’s because employees feel afraid to speak up and offer their ideas – the manager is directing and they’re simply carrying out orders.

Much like a banshee, if the only voice being heard is the manager’s, they’re going to miss out on collaborative team thinking and ultimately fail to develop their people. So, what’s the root cause of this ‘banshee boss’ behaviour, and how can managers rectify it?

The causes and effects of ‘banshee boss’ behaviour

Most banshee bosses don’t lead through fear on purpose – it’s a consequence of not being taught how they should behave and engage others as a manager. That’s because a shocking 82% of managers who enter a management position have received NO formal management or leadership training to prepare them for their new role.

Thrown into the deep end managing a new team, these “accidental managers” haven’t been given the opportunity to hone the necessary skills to handle the “people” side of leadership. As a result, they end up reverting to a command-and-control approach. This is where managers tend to solve problems brought to them by telling staff what to do, rather than allowing them to find solutions themselves.

But this “I’m the manager and what I say goes” attitude only worsens manager and staff stress. Staff walk on

eggshells out of fear of getting something wrong and continuously come to the manager for approval, who ends up taking on their team’s work on top of their own managerial responsibilities.

According to Gallup, this perpetuation of stress is causing a rise in incivility at work. Staff have shorter fuses, they’re growing more restless and frustrated with the lack of support, which is causing them to become ruder to each other. Unsurprisingly, this is causing motivation to take a nosedive, as being on the receiving end of incivility can almost HALVE an employee’s effort.

How NOT to be a banshee boss

Equipping managers with the right skills to handle the people side of their jobs is key to banishing fearful cultures, reducing workplace stress and supercharging employee effort. To do this, managers must ditch command-and-control and instead adopt an enquiry-led approach.

Here are three key skills inherent to an enquiry-led approach that managers can develop:

1. STOP and bite your lip

When a team member comes to you with a problem, STOP. Not every problem needs an overstressed, overbearing manager doing all the thinking. It might seem easier to provide a quick fix based on your previous knowledge and experience, but immediately stepping into problems in this way adds to your mental load and diminishes any confidence the employee has in their capabilities. Instead, you must learn to take a step back and bite your lip.

1. Actively listen

Active listening is crucial for building rapport with employees, helping you better understand what each team member needs when they come to you. An excellent active listener entirely focuses on the conversation and picks up on body language and what isn’t being said.

When an employee has explained their problem to you, instead of interrupting with your input, demonstrate your acknowledgement of what they’re saying. You can form more supportive and empathetic responses like “I hear what you’re saying. That sounds really difficult. Let’s work together on this.” This will help the employee ease into a more natural conversation. You will foster trust with them in that moment and develop a more human connection rather than a relationship predicated on fear.

1. Ask powerful questions

Asking powerful questions is a management and leadership superpower. It’s a natural extension of having listened actively and requires managers to let go of the idea that they must hold all the answers and provide constant direction.

You can be much more supportive as a manager by asking employees insightful questions that stimulate their thinking to find solutions for themselves rather than simply telling them what to do. For example, thought-provoking questions like ‘What would have to change?’, ‘What would the best outcome be?’ or ‘What might a colleague say about the situation?’ show that you’re actively listening and will help you create an authentic bond with staff. It demonstrates that their thinking is valued and encourages them to contribute.

Developing these skills of biting your lip, actively listening, and asking powerful questions is crucial for managers to banish banshee behaviour and support staff in solving their problems. When staff feel more autonomy over their work in this way, they become more engaged, and stress is more easily kept at bay. Ultimately, managers create a psychologically safer working environment where confidence and collaboration can thrive instead of friction and fear.

Dominic Ashley-Timms and Laura Ashley-Timms are the CEO and COO of global performance consultancy Notion. They are the co-creators of the multi-award-winning STAR^® Manager online development program being adopted by managers in 40 countries, and are also the co-authors of the new management bestseller The Answer is a Question – The Missing Superpower that Changes Everything and Will Transform Your Impact as a Manager and Leader.